A few things have happened to me in the past several months:
- I was diagnosed with ADHD.
- I gave myself permission to feel.
- I noticed that food was responsible for my headaches and body aches.
- I have some sort of undiagnosed stomach issues (unrelated to anxiety because this is very new for me).
Now, the important part to understand is that I went to my doctor 7 YEARS AGO and told him that I thought i had ADHD. He told me that it was a fad and that I didn’t have ADHD. 7 years later I was diagnosed with ADHD. That really leaves me with this big giant elephant of mistrust for doctors. I don’t even need to explain to you how different my struggles would have been if I had been diagnosed 7 years earlier (enter the grief of being diagnosed with ADHD later in life).
So lately I have been completely anal and neurotic about my eating habits. To the point where I am overwhelmed and driving myself crazy. Why am I doing this?! My hunch is that since I ended up basically diagnosing myself with ADHD I now feel like I have to diagnose myself with everything (the stomach issues that I have been having need a professional diagnosis) and I feel like I can’t trust doctors. I guess I really need to forgive and move on because not all doctors are dismissive.
I realized something today. While stepping out of the shower I grabbed my hair and noticed that my hair felt very dry; not like the normal soft conditioned hair that you would feel stepping out of the shower. The first thought that came into my mind was “why is my hair dry”. I immediately noticed the change in my body and the panic that surfaced. Isn’t that incredible?! I was starting to become anxious because I noticed that MY HAIR IS DRY. Unbelievable lol. Dry hair is definitely not something to be nervous, anxious or to stress about!
I decided to set two rules for myself:
- No more asking myself “Why?”
- No more trying to determine “what will happen” or “what if”
In the past (today included) I would ask myself:
- “What will happen if I eat this.”
- “Why is my stomach feeling this way.”
- “Why is my hair dry”
- The list is exhaustive so I will stop it here since I am sure you get the point.
Well, guess what Alyssa! You are not a doctor. All you can do is find a doctor who understands and explain your symptoms to him/her to the best of your ability.
Instead of asking myself “why”, I am going to simply state “oh, my hair feels dry”, pause, and end the thought there. If it feels like it is important, I will jot it down and bring it up with my doctor. That is the end of it. I am so tired of feeling like I have to be in total control of all of my body symptoms and essentially diagnose myself. I have to believe that the whole situation with my doctor 7 years ago was extremely unlucky and I have to have faith in my new, current doctor and move forward from there.
I have also created a constant reminder to cut off the way that I am mentally speaking to myself; to get a better handle on my self talk!
Have any of you experienced anything like this? Do you often ask yourself “why” when the answer to the why isn’t really a concern of yours?