A few things have happened to me in the past several months:
- I was diagnosed with ADHD.
- I gave myself permission to feel.
- I noticed that food was responsible for my headaches and body aches.
- I have some sort of undiagnosed stomach issues (unrelated to anxiety because this is very new for me).
Now, the important part to understand is that I went to my doctor 7 YEARS AGO and told him that I thought i had ADHD. He told me that it was a fad and that I didn’t have ADHD. 7 years later I was diagnosed with ADHD. That really leaves me with this big giant elephant of mistrust for doctors. I don’t even need to explain to you how different my struggles would have been if I had been diagnosed 7 years earlier (enter the grief of being diagnosed with ADHD later in life).
So lately I have been completely anal and neurotic about my eating habits. To the point where I am overwhelmed and driving myself crazy. Why am I doing this?! My hunch is that since I ended up basically diagnosing myself with ADHD I now feel like I have to diagnose myself with everything (the stomach issues that I have been having need a professional diagnosis) and I feel like I can’t trust doctors. I guess I really need to forgive and move on because not all doctors are dismissive.
I realized something today. While stepping out of the shower I grabbed my hair and noticed that my hair felt very dry; not like the normal soft conditioned hair that you would feel stepping out of the shower. The first thought that came into my mind was “why is my hair dry”. I immediately noticed the change in my body and the panic that surfaced. Isn’t that incredible?! I was starting to become anxious because I noticed that MY HAIR IS DRY. Unbelievable lol. Dry hair is definitely not something to be nervous, anxious or to stress about!
I decided to set two rules for myself:
- No more asking myself “Why?”
- No more trying to determine “what will happen” or “what if”
In the past (today included) I would ask myself:
- “What will happen if I eat this.”
- “Why is my stomach feeling this way.”
- “Why is my hair dry”
- The list is exhaustive so I will stop it here since I am sure you get the point.
Well, guess what Alyssa! You are not a doctor. All you can do is find a doctor who understands and explain your symptoms to him/her to the best of your ability.
My solution:
Instead of asking myself “why”, I am going to simply state “oh, my hair feels dry”, pause, and end the thought there. If it feels like it is important, I will jot it down and bring it up with my doctor. That is the end of it. I am so tired of feeling like I have to be in total control of all of my body symptoms and essentially diagnose myself. I have to believe that the whole situation with my doctor 7 years ago was extremely unlucky and I have to have faith in my new, current doctor and move forward from there.
I have also created a constant reminder to cut off the way that I am mentally speaking to myself; to get a better handle on my self talk!
Have any of you experienced anything like this? Do you often ask yourself “why” when the answer to the why isn’t really a concern of yours?
Yeah, I can absolutely relate to your story. The neurologist I have now is like the fourth or fifth neurologist I´ve had, and she´s the FIRST ONE who told me to stop taking the pill (anticonception). Because when you have aura-migraines, it´s actually a really bad idea to take them. I also found this in Bernstein´s book. But none of the other neurologists, and none of my regular doctors had ever told me that.
And I´ve had so many bad migraines because of medication that doctors prescribed me (anti-fungus, antibiotics, etc) that a doctor had prescribed, and I had to find out all by myself that they caused migraines (sometimes even years later, when I´d be taking the same medication and all of a sudden I´d have the same fierce migraines again -that´s when I´d make the link). Most doctors I´ve visited have actually made me sicker than better. So I´ve become extremely cautious. And you have to know that I grew up in a medical environment: both my parents are doctors. So I know that world from the inside. My husband doesn´t understand me, he has a blind faith in what his doctor says. But I am very hesitant to take whatever I´m being prescribed, and with good reason, I believe. Oh, and I have so many other stories, of which I later thought: how is it possible they didn´t help me when the symptoms were so obvious? Postnatal depression for example. It´s just sad. Luckily there are still some decent doctors out there who actually know what they are doing. And I think they might be a lot better at stomach problems than at psychological issues 😉
I´m really sorry to hear that you were diagnosed so late when you already had a hunch about it so much earlier :/
I understand it makes you nervous, this feeling that you have to figure it all out by yourself and that anything out of the ordinary might be a sign of something going wrong. It´s great how you figured out a way to deal with those worries. In the long run, that´s your greatest strength: how you deal with your thoughts and emotions.
Very good point! If we figure out a way to wrangle our thoughts and emotions we will come out on top!
Sorry about all your migraines and auras – they are so though and debilitating 🙁 I’m glad that you have found a neurologist that is helping you!
I think you are right; there are some decent doctors out there! I just need to continue my search! I’m lucky that I even have a doctor to begin with 🙂
I like what you said about noticing something and choosing to leave it alone while also giving yourself permission to jot it down if it does feel important… but for a trained professional to analyze. Just the other day something I ate made me feel super emotional and down for a few hours. And I’ve started getting paranoid about what exactly in that food did it to me and what else could have that effect. I can see this becoming an area or anxiety for me as well so I’m glad I read your post! 🙂
I’m glad that it could help! It’s so frustrating eh?! 🙁 I feel when I pick up boxes or pre-made food in stores I can’t understand half the ingredients and I just walk away. How will I know what made me sick? Plus I feel like all of the gluten free pre-made breads, etc. are basically sugar and that’s why it tastes good. So frustrating! I have bought a bunch of gluten free flours ($$) and am going to go back to the basics and make my own snacks, muffins, breads, etc. It’s going to take so much of my time but at least I know what’s in it!