Outward appearance of success

Do you appear put together and successful?

I was having a conversation the other day and I was explaining that I have ADHD and what it is like working with my clients. She was so surprised that I have ADHD because you “cannot tell” since I appear so put-together. Everything about my ADHD is internalized unless you know me well enough or read my blog. The reality is I am in pain. I struggle every.single.day. You don’t know how hard it is for me to do the simple task of showering, drying my hair, straightening my hair, putting makeup on and deciding what it is that I want to wear. Not to mention deciding what it is that I want to eat all day!

Sorry, that all sounds so depressing but it is true! I was joking the other night that my boyfriend puts a lot more attention and care into his appearance than I do. The whole reason why I bring this up is because he doesn’t actually care more about what he looks like. It just appears that he does! All of this is not to say that I don’t enjoy looking good. I always feel better when my hair and makeup is done and I am wearing comfy clothes that make me look and feel good! The whole process of getting myself ready to appear “put together” and successful is what is so painfully hard!

Why did I want to blog about this? I am listening to the ADHD Women’s Palooza and while listening to the session “The Mysterious Paradox of Being a High Achiever With ADHD” with Linda Roggli and Casey Dixon I was inspired to pause and write this post!

There is an illusion that if you look put together you ARE put together and the kicker… everything is easy for you!! What I am trying to say that it is grossly unfair to women and anyone with ADHD who has to try extra hard to do anything and everything to look at them and think that being put-together and outwardly successful means that everything comes easy to them.

Women are just EXPECTED to know what the hell is going on and organize everything “just so”.

The reality is we have trouble with our executive functions (activation, focus, effort, emotion, memory, action) so we end up overcompensating and burning ourselves out trying to keep it all together. It is EXHAUSTING.

As women, there is an internal and external pressure to meet a certain standard all the time throughout every aspect of our lives (work, home, children, spouse/partner, friends, etc.).

I am almost always on time but what you don’t see is what it takes and all the effort that I have to put in so that I am on time.

Anyways, I feel a bit like this has become a b!t#$ fest but if you are a women with ADHD, let me tell you… I get how hard it is to stay afloat!

My biggest advice to you is to be true to who you are and embrace your unique self. This means respecting who you are, your wants, your needs and at the end of the day, fully charge your battery by putting yourself first! I’m just going to repeat that: PUT YOURSELF FIRST… you deserve it! <3

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